Ok, I guessing this is a valid place to put these since it's funny stories that surround my birth, and I was born in a military family. They're not stories about military personnel really, but military families.

I was born in Britain back in '86 when my dad was stationed there fighting the Cold War. My birthday, as it turned out, was actually the day the Russians admitted to Chernobyl. So, they're rolling my mom into the delivery room and this orderly comes running up screaming "A nuclear power plant in Russia has just exploded and a cloud of radio-active rain is heading our way and we're all going to die! Now ladies, I don't care how long you were in labor, you could nothave been as stressed as my momma.

After I was born(my mother, thanking God that she did not die) my grandma in Florida tried to call my parents to congratulate them and find out about her new grandson. She mis-dialed, however, and wound up getting a message that said "You can not dial Russia direct. You first must contact the CIA." She slammed down the phone IMMEDIATELY, and lived in fear for awhile that the CIA might come to her house, abduct her, and interrogate her. They didn't, but I bet they followed her around until the Wall fell. I could see a bunch of CIA guys following her and my grandpa around going, "Oh man, are they eating at the SAME restaurant again? Geeze, I SO don't feel like I'm fighting communism doing this." Ah well, those the breaks when you work for the company.

remember SailorJustin...don't eat the 'yellow snow'...and tell granma to watch those 'hanging chads'...

FAST FORWARD.....2008...FUNNY STORY II
Basic..USNTC Gt Lakes..9 wks
1 yr USNTC Gt Lakes ADCOM SECURITY DEPT.
yep GATE GUARD..
The 11 GENERAL ORDERS OF A SENTRY...these 11 were drilled into my head for 9 wks of BASIC..plus we were required to memorize them after I was sent to ADCOM/SEC...bout mmmm maybe 3 mo I gottem down ...Now we had a LCDR LAKE that was HEAD of BASE SECURITY...but our real boss was.BMCMS MURPHY...as lond as you did like MURPHY said you were good to go...He informed us there were actually 12...and of course we bit.
#12...MAKE DAMN SURE YOU KNOW THE OTHER 11...
FAST FORWARD again..1964'USS FORRESTAL in the MEDITERRIAN...night befor we pull in..I'm on AFT STBD FLIGHTDECK WATCH..12 to 4..
Pitch black
as was the norm...find a place where you can see but not be seen...stand there..don't move tie downs hurt like hell...
There was a FNG MARINE WO...was the watch commander...Hecomes up to me...
"Report you post"
I do the shipel...
THEN he starts with Q n A time...
Which I answered..
Then he starts with THE 11..he bounced around trying to get me...it didn't work
"Carry on" starts to walk away...I bit my lip...."Sir...you forgot number 12..."
"Mister I know for a fact there are only 11"
"Well Sir there is a 12 "
"Alright then what is it?"
"Make damn sure I knoe the other eleven"
Funny I coulda swore...right there..in pitch black..0 vision...I saw his face turn RED n smoke comeoutta his ears...

I guess the best story I have is GREAT LAKES CO 612 1956.After chow the company marched back to barraks the Company Commander BM1 VanDucen told us we would not have our Smoke break.So I proceeds to go to the Head and while I was in there I fired up a smoke took two puffs went back to the Quarterdeck.A fellow Recruit named Porky at about 180 lbs. tells the Co Commander about what I had just did the CO Commander ask vollenteers to each give me a cigrette which I was to chew.That night about 2100 I saw my shipmate go to the head I waited until good old Porky entered the stall to take a crap when he finished and started to pull up his Dungrees I pulled them down around his ankles and kicked his ass.I didn't mean to hit him in the eye because it would be evidence but the next morning good old Porky had a Black Eye.When BM 1 VanDucen saw old Porky he looked at me and never said a word.

Paybacks are a bitch