My boyfriend just recently came home on his leave from Iraq. We haven't been dating very long but while he was here I got pregnant. He is very excited but I don't know what I should do, I am keeping the baby no question but I am new to the whole military lifestyle. I told him marriage was out of the question but now I don't know. He is enlisted for at least another year, and I have children from a previous marriage. Any advice or suggestions would be helpful

Uhm, maybe I'm "old fashioned", but if marriage is out of the question AND you're having his baby...why are you with him?

Well, from a practical standpoint (and this is no reason to get married....), the military pays for all medical costs (if you're married), if that's a concern.

I am old fashioned and I think if the father is as excited you say then I would think he wants you. Can't be that bad can it?

Marriage was the farthest thing from our minds before this happend,I have been married before and its hard enough so I don't think marrying because he knocked me up is the answer, but obviously I don't know anymore. I love him, he loves me and I am sure we will get married someday, but for the right reasons...I don't even know if that make sense anymore??? But he left for Iraq 2 days after we found out and will be there for the next 6 mos so I guess I don't have a choice for now.

Follow your heart is I guess the best advice you will get. Good luck with what ever you decide to do.

You said it. You love Him...He loves you.
Your're expecting and are sure you will get married some day.

Go ahead and do it. Those are good right reasons.

It's not to late. He can go to His Chaplin and C.O. and you can get hitched by proxy.

It happens.

Like patoloco said there are practical financial and moral reasons which are also
'right'.

Talk to Him. Love Him. Marry Him. Raise His child. If He really loves you then he will love
your other childern as his own.

He sounds like a stand up guy to me.

Just because you made a mistake before dosn't mean you should lose out on a chance for the real thing this time.

So marriage is NOT "out of the question", you'd just prefer to wait a little longer and make sure HE'S the one? Understand. However, I think Weatherman there made some great points...

I will say my wife and I had similar experience. I don't know how long you've known this guy, but my wife and I dated and later lived together for a year. Then she got pregnant. Marriage is something we talked about but did not consider seriously until then. And, yes, medical insurance was one of our concerns at the time. We "eloped" to the courthouse as both sets of parents did not think we were ready and advised against it.

We celebrated 22 years of marriage a couple months ago.

Really, you can really do that? Get married "by proxy" ??? I am new to all this, so bare with me. How does that work?


I really need to hear some good outcome stories..

I too am a bit old fashioned and would have prefered if this all happend a different way, but I am also very independant and don't want him to feel pressured into marriage, so I think I just told him it was out of the question to give him an out (mind you this was 20 minutes after I told him I was pregnant so I was still a bit shook)...I have talked to him recently and told him I may be reconsidering that statement and he said he is going to the legal guy on base and will figure out what to do from here,


Thank you for the advice, I really need to hear from people who are more familiar with the military, what to do...Thanks!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: nld220,

I will tell you this, like most men I only wanted one thing, we have been married 34 years last dec. And yes we had some very hard times but we have had very great and happy times. MARRY THAT TROOP sounds like you guys are meant for each other.

marry his brother....

I appreciate the link...I looked into it, but everything I read, says that they only do it in like 4 states..none of which we live in...but it is something to consider and look further into...he still hasn't heard from legal dpt on base, but thank you, I need to know all the options before making any major decision.



(and he doesn't have a brother...lol)

A few other states will let you marry his sister...

Well, I do love his sisters but not enuf to marry them...

But, I will say that we have spoken more and it looks like the wedding will be at the end of this yr when he comes home from Iraq.

Wish us luck, and thanks again for the advice, and pretty much just listening....

if you have anymore advice or good stories I would love to hear them ...

I really was kidding earlier. As he's man enough to pull duty in Iraq, he's man enough to come back and be a good father and husband.

We really do wish both or all three of you the best.