quote:

Top Ten Surprising Facts About Osama Bin Laden

1. The son-of-a-bitch is still alive.

2. Has a bumper sticker that reads, "Don't blame me, I voted for Kerry".

3. After Colts loss to Steelers, declared jihad on Mike Vanderjagt.

4. Knows all the words to the Black Eyed Peas song "My Humps".

5. Got cave hooked up with Sirius so he can listen to Howard Stern.

6. Stole "Death to America" catchphrase from Fran Tarkenton.

7. Middle name: Duane.

8. Secretly likes Kosher pickles.

9. In the seventies, had a gay fling with the blind sheikh.

10. Plans to release next threatening videotape in high-definition