Army, Air Force, and Marine Generals were standing in front of a rappelling tower with a Navy Admiral. The Air Force General says to the others, "My men are the most courageous of the Armed Forces."

"Ha!" said Army, "My men are the most courageous and I'll prove it."

Army calls a Private over from the tower. He tells the Private, "I want you to jump off that tower - no rope, no parachute."

"Yes, Sir!!!" the Private yells and proceeds to climb the tower. The Private walks to the edge, yells "Hoo-ahh!" and jumps off the tower. He is killed instantly upon impact.

"That's nothing," the Air Force General said, bored. He calls a Senior Airman over. "Son, I want you to jump off that tower - no rope, no parachute and I want you to do it with style."

"Yes, Sir!!!" the Senior Airman yells. He climbs to the top of the tower, walks to the edge and jumps. He executes a swan dive that would make Greg Louganis proud, hits the ground and dies on impact.

"Hmmph," the Marine growled. "Ya'll obviously forgot the Marine Corps were here," he said (yelling "Marine Corps!" as all Marines tend to do.)

He calls a Lance Corporal over. "Marine, I want you to jump off that tower and make the Corps proud!"

The Corporal yells, "Ooh-rah!", by way of response and runs to the tower. He grabs an M-60 and ammunition belt on the way and wraps the belt around himself in the Pancho Villa style. He climbs the tower and walks to the edge. Upon reaching the edge, he throws two grenades into the air, yells "Semper Fi Do or Die!" and jumps off. He starts shooting the M-60 in mid-air, clipping treetops and yelling the entire way down. His impact is obscured by the two exploding grenades. When the smoke clears, only little pieces of the Marine are left.

The others are impressed and nod their heads in admiration. Then the Admiral says, "That's nothing." The others turn to face the Admiral, their faces in disbelief. The Admiral calls a Seaman over who was cleaning latrines. "Son, I want you to jump off that tower- no rope, no parachute."

The Seaman looks the Admiral in the face and says, "Screw you! You kiss my ass first!" and walks off.

The Admiral turns to the others and says, "Now THAT'S courage!"



If you have any, please post them!

While in the Marines, I served over a year on Navy ships. There was a lot of joking between the Navy (Squids) and Marines. One of the funnier jokes was:

Q: How do you separate the men from the boys in the Navy?

A: With a crowbar!

I am sure most of you have heard this one before, but I will post it anyway.

Q: What is long, hard and full of semen??



A: A submarine (semen is really seamen)

A marine and a sailor go to a diner for lunch one day. After they order their food, they both get up to go use the head. When the sailor finishes taking a piss he goes over to the sink and proceeds to wash his hands but the marine just zips up and goes back to the table. When the sailor gets to the table he looks at the marine and say's "In the Navy they teach us to wash our hands after we take a piss." The marine looks back at him and say's "Yeah, well in the Marines they teach us not to piss on our hands."

A young Second Lieutenant approaches the crusty old CSM and asked about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias.

The CSM replied, "It's history and tradition ... First we give you a gold bar representing that you are very valuable and also malleable. The silver bar also represents significant value, but is less malleable. When you make Captain, your value doubles, hence the two silver bars. As a Colonel you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As a General, you are, obviously, a star. Does that answer your question?"

"Yes," said the Second Lieutenant, "but what about Majors and Lieutenant Colonels?"

"That goes waaaay back in history ... to the Garden of Eden. You see we've always covered our pricks with leaves."

This one isn't military related, but I figured I would share it anyway.


A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man. The man said, " I must have you right now! I'll drop 500 dollars on the ground at your feet and in the
time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my way with you from behind!"

The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition.

Her girlfriend said " When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened."

An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back.
"What happened?" the girlfriend asked.

The lady said " That M.F'r. had $500 in quarters!"

There once was a young sailor who couldn't resist a bet. He would make a bet on anything and he would always win. His shipmates were continually losing their money to him, making them very irritated. The Captain decided to have the boy transferred to another ship.

The next day the boy was transferred, and less than 15 minutes after boarding the ship, the boy addressed his new Captain and bet him 50 dollars he had hemorrhoids. The new Captain had just gotten a physical and knew he had no hemorrhoids, so he agreed to the bet.

The boy told his new Captain to drop his drawers and bend over. The Captain did so, and when he bent over, the boy shoved a broomstick up the Captain's ass. The sailor found no hemorrhoids and paid the Captain 50 bucks. The new Captain thought this was great and wanted to call the boy's old Captain and tell him. When he got the old Captain on the phone he told him he had just taken 50 dollars from the boy.

The old Captain replied, "How?"

"Well," explained the Captain, "he bet me I had hemorrhoids. I knew I didn't so I bet him. He told me to drop my drawers and bend over. When I did, he shoved a broomstick up my butt. Hey, no hemorrhoids. Fifty bucks I won."

The old Captain shouted, "That son-of-a-gun! Before he left here he bet me 500 dollars that within an hour he would have a broomstick shoved up your butt!"

I was researching the USMC and found the new oath for them.

I, state your name, swear...uuhhh...high-and-tight...cammies...uhh...ugh...Airforce women...OORAH!
So help me CORPS

Air Force

Recently I was given a list of actual responses made to squawks, the Air Force term for maintenance complaints by pilots.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3."

Army platoon marching past a hill.
Lt. sees a Marine on the hill, taunting the Army dogs, and sends a soldier to stop the Marine. Marine and soldier disapear behind the hill. A minute later, the Marine reappears yelling "Aint Really Men Yet".
Lt. sends two soldiers up the hill, who promptly disapear with the Marine. A moment later, the Marine reappears again, shouting "Arent Ready to be Marines Yet".
Lt. "F**** it, Everyone, Get that SOB!!" So the whole platoon goes over the hill. Two minutes and many screams of pain and horror later, a severely beaten soldier crawls back over the hill, the Lt. asks him what happened to the rest of the platoon.
"But Sir," he says, "theres two of them!"

very funny jarhead lol

As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you dam dummies fall out."

As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. The Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"

Q - What do Marines and bananas have in common?

A - They both start out green, turn yellow and die in bunches.

True story...we had a man on the Sheriff's Honor Guard (a good friend of mine I like to exchange jabs with) who was in The Corps. The day of the OKC Bombing Memorial dedication was very, very windy, and our honor guard covers are the Sheriff style Strattons; basically a sail.

I walked over to him and said, "Bob, you are the luckiest member of our honor guard."

He looked at me and asked, "Why do you say that?"

I said, "You're the only one who won't lose his hat...since its screwed on."

He was talking to the Marine recruiting commander for Oklahoma at the time. The Colonel laughed...Bob didn't. But his response was very colorful.

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman? Why kill a bicycle repairman?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, Mr. Know-IT-All !! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"