Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge-- into the wind he goes!

Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin' on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen!

"Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims.

Paw raises up," Git my gun, Maw."

She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.

"I think ya missed him, Paw," she says.

"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of Bubba!"

Anybody you know Coachman

The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends
over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt
up and reveals her lack of underwear.
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any
skivvies?', Ole demanded.
Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'
The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and
says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and
buy yourself some underwear.'

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball
on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she,
too, is wearing no undies.
'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
Patrick reaches into his pocket and says , 'For the
sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some
underwear!'

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes
her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?'
She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta
be able ta affarrd any.'
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well,
fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....
Tidy yerself up a bit.

5.....


ONE:
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could havean order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozennuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was thereply. 'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 'That'sright.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadlytrue...)

TWO:
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.. I picked up one of those'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between ourthings so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.' She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE:
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive andpulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing,she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for acredit card number, so she was using the ATM thingy.' (keep shuddering!!)

FOUR:
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remotedoor unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointingto a distantconvenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' 'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keysto me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Whydon't youdrive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....

FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day shewas typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typingpaper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that,the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on thephotocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.



.....PLEASE, just lie down before you hurt yourself !!!

A professor at the University of Missouri was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decidedto lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.'
It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.

I am appalled that so many of my friends are against the mosque near Ground Zero.

We should allow it,but in order to promote tolerance,I propose that a gay night club
be opened next door to the mosque to promote tolerance in the Mosque.
We could call it:
"The Turban Cowboy" or "You Mecca Me Hot"
Next door would be a butcher shop that specializes in pork and across the street,
a very daring lingerie store called "VICTORIA KEEPS NOTHING SECRET"

" The Turban Cowboy"

" You Mecca Me Hot"

love it.

when I was in Israel, I went to the deli shop
" Cheeses of Nazareth "

"VICTORIA KEEPS NOTHING SECRET"

hmmmmmmmm

So, there I was in Blockbuster, sifting through the ' previously enjoyed' dump bin when a young women walks in and picks up a copy of "Avatar".

Smiling I say: " You aren't going to the Giant Cineplex to see the re-release in 3D with 9 whole minutes of extra, never before seen footage? "
She: " No, not sure 9 extra minutes is worth it, plus I hear its mostly a sex scene. "
Me: " yeah, but its 'animated' sex ..and its in 3D!"
She: " well, I suppose that beats sex at home, mine hasn't been very animated in a long time and not much has been in 3D come to think about it."

and off she walked. [ didn't take the movie, though... ]

Rocketeer went for a beer to mull that over...

Three Nuns were attending a New York Yankees baseball game.





Three men were sitting directly behind them.
Because their habits were partially blocking the view,the men decided
to badger the Nuns hoping that they would get annoyed enough to move to another
area.

In a very loud voice the first guy said...
"I think I'm going to move to UTAH,there are only 100 Nuns there."

Then the second guy spoke up and said;
"I think I'm going to move to Montana.There are only 50
Nuns living there."

Then the third guy said:
"I want to go to IDAHO,there are only 25 Nuns living there"

The Mother Superior turned aroundlooked at the men and in a very
sweet and calm voice said,

"Why don't you go to hell..There aren't ANY Nuns there"

How funny! Miller thinks she can try to intmidate me! What a joke!

MON BACKER

My Dad always told me to get good grades in school unless I wanted a job as a "MON BACKER"when I grew up.

I had no clue as to what a "MON BACKER" was but it sounded like something I didn't want to be.

One day I finally asked my Dad what a "MON BACKER" was...he told me...

"A MON BACKER is the guy who stands begind the garbage truck and yells to the driver"..

"MON BACK.....MON BACK!!!"

SIGNS.....

Spotted in a toilet :
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)