Looking at the illegal immigration issue from a perspective of political correctness - which as we all know is a form of censorship and the way the left instills guilt and division among Americans.
I saw in a post referring to Illegal Aliens as "Undocumented Immigrants".....which is like referring to drug dealers as "undocumented pharmacists".

Let’s take it further to show the hypocrisy and ridiculous:

Illegal alien – Undocumented Immigrant
Drug dealer- Undocumented Pharmacist
Car thief – Non-contracted Valet
Burglar – Nonrelated brother in law
Robber – Unlicensed Attorney
Murderer – Non-enlisted Soldier
Rapist – Uncommitted beau
Arsonist - Unregistered demolitionist
Victim – US Taxpayer

Bums changed to the Homeless and now I refer to them as Constant Outdoors-men.

If you like Pina Colodas......and doing shots in the rain....
If you like Yeagermeister.....and your a little insane....
If you like makin love at midnight ......While I'm wearing a cape.....
Then I wont have to force you....
And they can't get me for rape.....

Smart Ass Answer #5:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir,......... I need to see your ticket not your stub."

Smart Ass Answer #4:
...
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Smart Ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smart Ass Answer #2:

A truck driver was driving along the freeway.
A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead."
Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Smart Ass Answer #1:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

The Navy Cure for Snoring

By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room wastaken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just abed, I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy,"admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But totell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining roomshave complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."

"No problem," the tired Navy man assured him. "I'll take it."

The next morning, the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed andbushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.

"Never better!"

The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?"

"Nope. I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.

"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," thesailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, andsaid, 'Good night, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

We're able to adapt us sailors are

The 2012 Presidential election was too close to call. Neither Mitt Romney nor Obama had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things.

The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.


It was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner.

After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Wisconsin.

There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.

At the end of the first day, Mitt Romney returned to the starting line, and he had 10 fish.

Soon, Obama returned and had no fish.
Well, everyone assumed he was just having a bad day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.
At the end of the 2nd day Mitt came in with 20 fish, and Obama came in again with none.

That evening the Democrats got together secretly with Obama and said, "We think that Mitt Romney is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. Tomorrow don't bother fishing. Just spy on him, and see just how he is cheating.'

The next night (after Mitt returns with 50 fish), the Democrats got together for the report of how the Republicans were cheating.

Obama said, "You are not going to believe this ... he's cutting holes in the ice."

Five Horses is her name:

Five Horses Is Her Name
This is mythical and deep.
Truly beautiful...



A tourist in Dakota, asks American Indian Chief 'Many Feathers',
what his wife's name was .
He replies, "She is called Five Horses "
The man said, "That's both a beatiful and an unusual name for a wife.
What does it mean?"
The Old Indian answered,
"It a very old Indian name. It mean...

NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG ! "

SHE SAID.....I SAID

She said..."We can't afford beer any more and your gonna hafta quit drinkin it"
I said..."How come I hafta give give up stuff and you don't?"
She said...."I need make up to look pretty for you"
I said..."That's what the beer was for"
I don't think she's gonna come back

The Secret Service scandal was discovered when a disagreement on how much a prostitute wanted for her services came to light.
She wanted $800.00.
The Secret Service Agent offered $30.00.
How ironic is it that the only person in Washington willing to cut spending gets fired?

Once upon a time there lived a king.

The king had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS..

But there was a problem.
Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what;
Metal, Wood, Stone, anything she touched would melt.


Because of this, men were afraid of her.
Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians.
One wizard told the king, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'


The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth...
THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly .

The second prince brought diamonds.
He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.
He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached.
He told the princess, 'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'
The princess did as she was told, though she turned red .
She felt something hard.
She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed.
Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after .


Question: What was in the prince's pants?

M&M's of course.
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What were you thinking you pervert

As a member of P.O.V. (Perverted Old Veterans) I did go down the wrong path on that one!

Moving right along.......PUNZ



Tuesday, May 15, 2012 6:32 AM

I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst .

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. But he says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, and I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We’re taking a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz .

Energizer battery arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. .

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off.

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer.

Earthquake in Washington; obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

There was a pretty Nurse named Carol who broke her
engagement to a doctor.
She was explaining everything to a friend.
"Do you mean to say," exclaimed Cindy, "that the bum asked you to give back the ring AND all his presents?"
"Not only that," said Carol, "he sent me a bill
for 37 visits."

This message has been edited. Last edited by: STICK,