THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight

check out last page also (8) more posted j/ks

well all of these j/ks reminded me of this one time just about a week ago. I was down at the local bar playing texas hold'em with my buddy (who lost early). Well after he was finished playing (56th out of 62 ppl) he started drinking. Well after I finished in 2nd he was no where to be found. So I waited for about an hour until he finally showed back up. he said that he went to a diffent bar with one of our other friends. Well lets say he was already on his way. Then he consumed a crap load more and finally he quit and he went out to my truck to pass out. about 1 hour later I was ready to go over to a female friends house to help her set-up her surround sound. well needless to say he puked in my truck not 4 houses away from hers. well I tried to take him inside so I could keep and eye on him but he insisted that he would stay out in my truck. so I said ok and I told him I would hurry. So after I set-up the surround sound I looked out the window only to see my dome light on and the passanger door wide open. so I went outside to find him wrapped around a fire hydrent on the ground passed out. So I woke him up and started to pick him up when I got the worst odor in the world..........I asked him if he crapped himself and he was like "YAAA" so after gagging for awhile I finally got him in my truck...Of course I went back inside to get my other friends bottle of fabrize (how ever you spell it) and soaked my whole truck down to try to cover up the odor. Well needless to say I took him over to my dad's house where my room mate was waiting for us. We finally get him into the house and into the bathroom. He took his shower for about a good 45 min. but of course still stank!!! Well now we all just laugh about it and now we call being that drunk the shiza drunk...Well hope that helped you guys in dreaming tonight and thought I would pass it along!!!

Number one rule of driving..

Everyone going slower than you are Idiots and everyone going faster than you are Assholes..

I'm gettin' old, I'm gettin' lazy, but most of all, I'm gettin' crazy.

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This message has been edited. Last edited by: Coachman,

Where'd you get that, Coach?/

That's me - before I grew the whiskers!!

I got it from a friend in my e-mail this am, you can have it you want lol

You have that many teeth Rocketeer?

Dr. Smith told her, "Everyday after your shower, rub your nipples and

say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."

She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew great

boobs!

One morning she was running late, got on the bus and realized she had

forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs


if she didn't do the little rhyme, she got right out there in the middle

aisle of the bus and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."

A guy sitting nearby asked, "Are you a patient of Dr. Smith's by any

chance?"

"Why, yes I am. How did you know?"
He leaned closer, winked and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock

I am making an assumption that this is a joke.. if not.. well, the bloody fool deserved everything he got.

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2005/new-bra-p1.php

Recipe for Banana Bread


Ingredients:

2 Laughing Eyes
2 Loving Arms
2 Well Shaped Legs
2 Firm Milk Containers
1 Fur Lined Mixing Bowl
2 Large Nuts
1 Large Banana

Method:

1. Look into Loving Eyes.
2. Fold in Loving Arms.
3. Spread Well Shaped Legs.
4. Squeeze and massage Milk Containers gently until Fur Lined Mixing Bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger.
5. Add Banana - work in and out until well creamed.
6. Cover with Nuts and sigh with relief.

Cake done when Banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and don't lick the bowl.

P.S. If cake begins to rise leave town immediately.

A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink. The Irishman said "Let's all go to O'Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness." The Italian said "That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini's with every third round they bring a free bottle of wine to the table." The Russian said "That sounds fine but if we go to Gouvstof's we drink for free all night and then go out into the parking lot and get laid."
"That sounds to good to be true!" the Irishman exclaimed. "Have you actually been there?"
"No," the Russian replied, "but my wife goes there all the time."

LOL

KEPP EM COMING LADS! DONT BLOODY KILL THIS THREAD WIL YE OL CHAPS!? bloody grand!

Call this one:

Navy Sealed!!

lesson learned.. no bean burritos before a mission

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2005/wetsuit-fart-p1.php

anyone got a big pin?