THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE IS INTENDED FOR EVERYONE HERE......

This is NATIONAL MENTAL HEALTH CARE WEEK..

You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person
to show you care..

Well...my job is done ...
Your turn...

DIVORCE AGREEMENT:

American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists
And Obama supporters, et al:


We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce.
I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.


Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion.
That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement.
After that, it should be relatively easy!
Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.


We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.

You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell
(You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).


We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens.
We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.
We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood ..

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine.
We'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us...
You can have the peaceniks and war protesters..
When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values..
You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain.
You can also have the U.N..
But we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars.
You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find..

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem.
I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute:
Imagine,
I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing,
Kum Ba Ya
We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot.
Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete.
In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

WIVES ans MARRIAGE...

When a man steals your wife,there is no better revenge than to let him keep her
David Bissonette

After marriage,husband and wife become two sides of a coin;they just can't face each other,but they still stay together...
Sacha Guitry

By all means marry.If you get a good wife,you'll be happy.If you get a bad one,you'll become a philosopher
Socretes

Woman inspires us to great things,and prevents us from doing them
Anonymous

The great question...which I have not been able to answer...is...'What does a woman want.
Dumas

I had some words with my wife,and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.We take time to go to a restruant two times a week.A little
candleight,music,soft music and dancing...She goes on Tuesdays,I go on Fridays
Anonymous

'There's a way of transferring funds faster than electronic banking.It's called marriage
Sam Kinson

I've had bad luck with both of my wives..The first one left me..and the second one didn't
James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1.When your wrong..admit it 2.Whenever your right..shut up.
Patrick Murra

The most effective way to remember your wifes birthday is to forget it once
Nash

You know what I did before I got married...anything I wanted to
Anonymous

My wife and I were happy fo twenty years...Then we met
Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong
Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classfieds:'Wife wanted'.The next day he recieved a hundred letters.They all said the same...'You can have mine'
Anonymous

Difference Between Having Guts Or Balls
Guts or Balls?
>
>I have often wondered what the difference was.
>
>There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or
>balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to
>keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:
>
>GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by
>your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:
>'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
>
>BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
>perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say:
>
>'You're next, Chubby.'
>I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
>
>Medically speaking there is no difference in the outcome. Both result in death.
__________________

I was in a bar the other day,and had just finished a beer and a hamburger,when I realized I really needed to fart.
The music was really REALLY loud,so I timed the farts with the beat from the music.
After a couple songs and the "urge" was gone,I finished the last of my beer and noticed everyone was staring at ME.
It was then that I realized.....I was listening to my I POD

During a practical exercise during Military Police AIT, the instructor was giving the class instructions in unarmed self-defense.

After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, "What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a large, sharp knife?"

The student replied, "BIG ones."

Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Army husband called home to tell me he would be late - again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon's quarters and they had to discipline the whole squad. I launched into a tirade, arguing that many men had pictures hanging in their quarters at our previous post, so his new platoon should not be penalized for something trivial.

My husband calmly listened to my gripes and then explained, "Honey, dirty magazines: the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned."

Adventures Of Bullwinkle And Rocky
Bullwinkle and his wife Rocky went to the state fair every year. Every year Bullwinkle would say, "Rocky, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Rocky would say, "I know Bullwinkle, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year Bullwinkle and Rocky went to the fair and Bullwinkle said,
"Rocky, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Rocky replied, "Bullwinkle that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Bullwinkle and Rocky agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Bullwinkle, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Bullwinkle replied,

"Well, I was gonna say something when Rocky fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

HOW TO SAY I LOVE YOU...
IN 25 LAUNGUAGES


ENGLISH....I Love You

SPANISH...Te Amo

FRENCH....Je T'aime

GERMAN...Ich Liebe Dich

JAPANESE..Ai Shite Imasu

THAI...............Phom Rak Khun

ITALIAN.........Ti Amo

CHINESE.....WOO AI NI

SWEDISH....JAG ALSKAR

ALABAMA
ARKANSAS
KANSAS
OKLAHOMA
TEXAS
NORTH CAROLINA
SOUTH CAROLINA
GEORGIA
TENNESSEE
MISSOURI
LOUISIANA
VIRGINIA KENTUCKY
And Parts of FLORIDA

" NICE ASS GET IN THE TRUCK"

DOD REPORT...

DEFENSE BULLYING REPORT - Air Force Worst of the Services

A recent report by the GAO has found that allegations of "a culture of widespread bullying and brutality" within the military are, for the most part, unfounded.



The audit team, which traveled to every Department of Defense establishment across the country and abroad,

and interviewed staff from all four Services, found surprisingly few casesof unfair treatment or bullying within the Army, Navy, and Marine Corps.

When it came to the US Air Force, however, the report told a different story.

A total of 3,561 Air Force members made complaints to the team,compared with just one from Army, and none from the Marine Corps andNavy.

While this statistic is alarming in its own right, it becomes horrific when one considers that each complaint represents a sad story of abuse, mistreatment, or neglect.

As one senior Air Force officer put it, "Each story is, in itself, a sad indictment on the military.

When taken as a whole, however, they demonstrate a reprehensible lack of regard for personnel on the part
of managers at all levels."

One young pilot told of having to spend three nights in tented accommodation, despite the fact that there was an empty five-star hotel with satellite television just 1 kilometer away.

Another said that he had been forced to endure a grueling physical fitness test every year since he joined in 1997.

One airman alleged that she had been overlooked for promotion on numerous occasions, simply because she was fat, lazy and stupid.

An airman stated he had been refused permission to wear civilian attire to work,

despite the fact that his uniform clashed with his eye color.

Another had been forced to wear uncomfortable safety boots for periods of up to eight hours straight.

A clerk could not understand why she had been sent to work in a Joint military headquarters, "I have been forced to work for horrid Army and Navy people who just don't understand what the military is all about.
I feel the Air Force has victimized me by forcing me to do this...I will be seeking compensation..."

Shockingly, Air Force senior ranks are also subject to mistreatment.

One Senior NCO stated, "I was deeply upset when I was addressed as'Sergeant' by an officer.

He knew my name was Robert.

It was justhorrible -

I have never been more humiliated in my life."

In response a senior officer stated,

"the officer in question has been moved to a new assignment..."

A number of personnel complained of having to attend courses that were
not relevant to their jobs, such as rigorous ground combat courses and drawn-out lectures on occupational health and safety.

To add insult to injury, a young A1C was even ordered to pack up chairs in the classroom after one such course.

The huge backlash against this treatment of Air Force personnel should provide senior officers

with a vital clue with regard to the massive retention problems experienced by the military in recent times.



Over the past two years, the Air Force has spent millions of dollars
conducting studies on the issue of improving retention.




This is a joke people...I post em' as I see em'

This is too funny:

truth


http://www.theglobeandmail.com...pper/article1260438/

From a small hometown newspaper in ILLINOIS

What's the problem, officer?

A Burton man had more questions than answers for police when they happened upon a car that had flipped on its roof in Forest Township.

Troopers peered inside and saw the 44-year-old driver sitting upside down, still strapped in by his seatbelt.

"Why did you pull me over?" the man asked.

The man's confusion was quickly explained by the Black Velvet whiskey and six beers he had consumed and his .33 blood alcohol content -- more than four times the .08 limit for drunken driving.

Later, after cops got him unhooked and on his feet, the man asked if he could go back and wait in his car while police finished up the paperwork.

By the way, this all happened at 11:30 -- a.m.

“If you talk to God, you’re religious. If God talks to you, you’re psychotic.”

A little old lady is struggling down the street pulling two large garbage bags behind her...one has ripped a bit and ten dollar bills are fluttering out as she goes..

A Cop spots her and runs to her side. " Ma'am, do you realize you are trailing ten dollar bills down the street.?"
" Oh, really?.. I'll have to go back and pick them up. "
" May I ask where you got so much money in the first place?"
" well, my house is right next to the Sportsplex and the drunken men in the parking lot all pee through the holes in my fence onto my vegetable garden. So, I stand there with my garden shears and when they stick their thingies through I tell them. ' Ten Bucks or I chop it off. '..That's not illegal, is it/"
The cop starts to laugh.. " I'm not quite sure, but, I suppose they were sort of ' trespassing .' - Is that more money in the other bag/"
" Oh, no... not everyone wants to pay, you know.."

Harry Truman




Harry Truman was a different kind of President. He probably made as many important decisions regarding our nation's history as any of the other 42 Presidents. However, a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he left the White House.

The only asset he had when he died was the house he lived in, which was in Independence Missouri . His wife had inherited the house from her mother and other than their years in the White House, they lived their entire lives there.

When he retired from office in 1952, his income was a U.S. Army pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting that he was paying for his stamps and personally licking them, granted him an 'allowance' and, later, a retroactive pension of $25,000 per year..

After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry and Bess drove home to Missouri by themselves. There were no Secret Service following them.

When offered corporate positions at large salaries, he declined, stating, "You don't want me. You want the office of the President, and that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the American people and it's not for sale."

Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was preparing to award him the Medal of Honor on his 87th birthday, he refused to accept it, writing, "I don't consider that I have done anything which should be the reason for any award, Congressional or otherwise."

As president he paid for all of his own travel expenses and food.

Modern politicians have found a new level of success in cashing in on the Presidency, resulting in untold wealth. Today, many in Congress also have found a way to become quite wealthy while enjoying the fruits of their offices. Political offices are now for sale. (sic. Illinois )

Good old Harry Truman was correct when he observed, "My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!

I say dig him up and clone him!!