RIDDLE FOR THE DAY

Hillary, Biden,and Obama were on a donkey, at the edge of a cliff.
The donkey got spooked and jumped off the cliff.
Who was saved?

AMERICA

HOW IT WORKS..

It is the month of August, a resort town sits next to the shores of a lake.

It is raining and the little town looks totally deserted.

It is tough times, everybody is in debt and everybody lives on credit.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.

He enters the only hotel in town, lays down a 100 dollar bill on the reception counter
and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.

The hotel proprietor takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of the feed and fuel takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times accepts credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel and pays off her debt with the 100 dollar bill to the hotel proprietor,
paying for the room that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 dollar bill back on the counter so
that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms and takes his 100 dollar bill, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms and leaves town.

No one earned anything.

However, the whole town in now debt free and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States government is doing business today.

Geez. Stick.. that's a stupid riddle.. the obvious answer is "the Donkey"..

speaking of jokes. I think I am the butt of a large economy sized one.. Ever since I signed on to Milspot.net all I get is come-on E-mails from lusty ladies [ presumably ] from exotic locales who find my profile so irresistable they've got to profess their love and invite me to contact them for 'exclusive/intimate' pictures of themselves. Why must I be a Love God wanted only for my body??

Rocketeer.... have you forgotten the picture you directed us to a couple of years ago that showed us the Jolly fellow.

quote:

Originally posted by Rocketeer:
Geez. Stick.. that's a stupid riddle.. the obvious answer is "the Donkey"..

speaking of jokes. I think I am the butt of a large economy sized one.. Ever since I signed on to Milspot.net all I get is come-on E-mails from lusty ladies [ presumably ] from exotic locales who find my profile so irresistable they've got to profess their love and invite me to contact them for 'exclusive/intimate' pictures of themselves. Why must I be a Love God wanted only for my body??

Why Rocketeer,everyone knows the ladies go ga-ga for your mutton chops!
sorry for hijacking the thread but...

ROFLMAO Hijack away buddy lol

quote:

Originally posted by nvrbtdt:

quote:

Originally posted by Rocketeer:
Geez. Stick.. that's a stupid riddle.. the obvious answer is "the Donkey"..

speaking of jokes. I think I am the butt of a large economy sized one.. Ever since I signed on to Milspot.net all I get is come-on E-mails from lusty ladies [ presumably ] from exotic locales who find my profile so irresistable they've got to profess their love and invite me to contact them for 'exclusive/intimate' pictures of themselves. Why must I be a Love God wanted only for my body??

Why Rocketeer,everyone knows the ladies go ga-ga for your mutton chops!
sorry for hijacking the thread but...

How come I don't get no e mails from those ladies..that's not fair..that's discrimination..imma contact the ACLU...

Back to funnychit.....
Don't know if it's true or not..Snopes had nothing

Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his Senator...

The Honorable Tom Harkin
713 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington,DC

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellant customer of the Internal Revenue Service,Iam writing to ask for your assistance.
I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an
illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which
was recently passed by the Senate for which you voted.If my understanding of this bills provisions is accurate,
as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years,all I need to do to become a citizen is to
pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.I know a good deal when I see one and I
am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put,those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine.Is there any
way I can apply to be illegal retroactively?This would yeild an excellant result for me and my family because we
paid heavy taxes in2004 and 2005.

Additioaly,as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergencey room as my primary health care provider.
Once I have stopped paying premiums for for medical insurance,my accountant figures I could save almost
$10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would recieve preferential treatment reliative
to her law school applications,as well as 'in state' tution rates for many colleges throughout the United States
for my son.

Lastly,I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making
those burdensome car insurance premiums.Tis is very important to me given that I have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal(retroactively if possible)and copies of
the necessary forms I would be very appreciative.....
Thank you for your assistance....

Burlington,Iowa

Get your forms...NOW
Call your Internal Revenue Service

See? They're after me again!.. Oh, if I could only bottle my girl/babe attraction pheromones.. I'd make millions!!

"Compliments of the day to you.

I am Miss Aminata Mustapha I am single ,23yrs .However How are you? hope you are fine and in perfect condition of health.I went through your profile and i read it and took intersest in it,if you don't mind i will like to know you much better,although i came online to look for a true and loving man that is ready for a true,honest and loving relationship and will be able to take good care of me if you are the kind of man am talking about then send me a mail now on my private email aminatamustapha12@yahoo.com included,so that i will tell you all about myself and a picture of myself.looking forward to hear from you,
thanks and God bless .
Best Regard,
Miss Aminata "

funny they all have the same Yahoo account, though, no matter where they are in the world...

Bear in Bar
A bear walks into a bar in Billings , Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says,
'We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings '
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully,
'We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings ..'

The bear, very angry now, says,

'If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.'

The bartender says,

'Sorry, we don't serve beer to Belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings '
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.< /B>

The bartender states,

'Sorry, but we especially don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs.'

The bear looks at him quizzically and says,
'I'm not on drugs.'

(You're gonna love me for this...)



The bartender says,
'You are now.
That was a barbitchyouate
_

So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the
forest kinda pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow.
Life would be easier if he were brown like the other toads..
He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing.

Anyway... this yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother.
He begs her: "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other toads.
I am tired of being so visible to predators and such."

The fairy godmother whips out her magic wand and says

"Abracapokus! You're brown!"

The toad looks down and sees that he is brown exceptfor his package, which is still yellow.
He says to the fairy godmother:
"Wait a minute! My pecker's still yellow!"

To this the fairy godmother replies: "I don'tdo johnsons.
You will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that."
The toad thanks her and hops off on his way.


There is also a purple bear wandering about the very same woods.
As luck would have it, he encounters the very same fairy godmother.
He implores her: "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other bears.
None of the lady bears want to be seen with me onaccount of the hunters can spot me from a
mile off."


She, being a nice fairy godmother, takes out her magic wand and says: "Pokuscadabra! You're brown!"
The bear looks down andsees that he is, in fact,brown with the exception of the ole twig and
berries,they remain purple.
He says: "My wang is still purple!"


She says: "I don't do units, you will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that."


To this the bear replies: "Well that's just dandy, but how the hell doI find The Wizard of Oz?"



The fairy godmother answers: "That's easy... just follow the yellow dick toad!"

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

APPLICATION FOR ENTRANCE TO UNIVERSITY of ALABAMA

1.Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a Persimmon tree that will support a 10 lb Possum...
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard:
A) 66' Ford Fairlane
B) 69' Chevrolet Chevelle
C) 64' Pontiac GTO
3.If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour....
how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product...
4.A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 RPM.The density of the pine trees in
a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre.
The lot is 2.3 acres in size.
The average tree diameter is 14 inches.
How many Budweiser Tall Boys will it take to cut the trees...
5.If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R 12 simultaneously,what would be the the
decrease in the ozone layer....
6.A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24 inch centers with a field rock foundation.
The span is 8 feet and the porch is 16 feet.The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine.
When the porch collapses,how many hound dogs will be killed.
7.A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%.
The man has 5 children.Can each of the children place a mobile home on the mans land...
8.A 2-ton puplwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45mph.
The brakes fail.
Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads:
How many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain...
For extra credit:
How many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked wind shields...
9.A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1 Division 2 Hazardous Area.
The mine employs 120 miners per shift
A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd Shift.
How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift
10.How many generations will it take before cattle develop shorter than the others because of grazing
along a mountain side.

A Message From your President

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Citizens,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, I, President Obama have decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as I, President Obama deem appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by me, President Obama.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much S**T (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. I, President Obama have always prided myself on the amount of S**T I give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough S**T, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the S**T you can handle.

Sincerely,

President Obama

PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

DE MOTIVATIONAL CARDS:

Cards we would like to send...to those we have a tendenacy to dislike...

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me ..

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .

9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder.....
(Inside card) - What the hellwas I thinking

11. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

12. Thank you for being part of my life.....
(Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!

13. Congratulations on your wedding day!
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

14. How can I say this....
(Inside card) - Your cooking kills me

15. Hooray.....
(Inside card) - You're divorced.

16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened...
(Inside card) - Especially since you survived.

17. Congrats on getting married...
(Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

18. Someday I hope to marry...
(inside card) - Someone other than you.

19. We have been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?