Rppearso shoots a duck out in the country. As he’s retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him. After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter "country style."

"What’s country style?" asks rppearso.

"Out here in the country," the farmer says, "when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can. Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin’ wins the dispute."

Warily rppearso agrees and prepares himself. The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. Rppearso falls to the ground in the most intense pain he’s ever felt, crying like a baby and coughing up blood. Finally he staggers to his feet and says, "All right, n-now it’s–it’s m-my turn."

The farmer grins. "Aw, hell, you win. Keep the duck."

These two guys, Bill and rppearso, went out hunting moose, but after three days they had come up with nothing. So, like any self-respecting hunters, they decided to outwit their prey.

On the next trip they brought along a moose costume and some artificial female moose mating scent. They sprayed the scent all around the trees at the edge of a clearing and quickly climbed into the costume, Bill in the front and rppeaso in the back.

After a few minutes a huge bull moose came running toward them from the trees. Bill screamed at rppearso, “We’ve got a big one coming up, hand me the rifle.”

rppearso screams back, “I thought you had the rifle, what are we gonna do?”

Bill calmly replies, “Well I’m gonna eat some grass, but you’d better brace yourself.”

A fire starts inside a chemical plant and the alarm goes out to fire departments miles around.

After crews have been fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $100,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!"

The crews try, but no one can get through.

Then another fire truck, filled with a volunteer fire company of men over 65, comes roaring down the road and drives straight into the middle of the inferno.

The other men watch unbelieving as the old timers hop off of their rig and heroically extinguish the fire, saving the secret formulas.

The company president walks over to reward the volunteers.

"What do you guys plan to do with the money?" the president asks the group.

The firetruck driver looks him right in the eye and answers, "The first thing we’re going to do is fix the ****ing brakes on that truck."

A motorcycle cop pulled over rppearso in his car after it had run a stop sign.

“May I see your driver’s license and registration please.”

“What’s the problem, officer?”

“You just ran that stop sign back there.”

“Oh come on, pal, there wasn’t a car within miles of me.”

“Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution.”

“You gotta be kidding me!”

“It’s no joke, sir.”

“Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles, and proceeded with caution.”

“That’s beside the point, sir. You are supposed come to a complete stop, and you didn’t. Now if I may see your license and—”

“You’ve got a lot of time on your hands, pal. What’s the matter, all the doughnut shops closed?”

“Sir, I’ll overlook that last comment. Let me see your license and registration immediately.”

“I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down, and coming to a complete stop.”

The policeman had enough. “Sir, I can do better than that.”

He opened the car door, dragged rppearso out, and proceeded to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick.

“Now sir, would you like for me to slow down or come to a complete stop?”

Rppearso walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a broken nose.

The doctor asks him what happened.

"Well," says rppearso, "I was having a nice round of golf with my wife.

She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed that one of the cows had something protruding from its rear end.

Sure enough, when it lifted its tail, there was my wife's golf ball."

"And?" asked the doctor.

"Well," rppearso said, "that's when I lifted the cow's tail, pointed, and yelled to the missus, 'Hey, honey—this one here looks like yours!'"

Joe and Bill are out fishing and sipping beer while discussing football and NASCAR.

All of a sudden Joe says, "I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months."

Bill sips his beer and says, "You better think it over, women like that are hard to find."



click this one......

This message has been edited. Last edited by: thegunny,

rppearos fingering out his homework......ps the answer was 3

Trolling Gunny?

naw, just making best use of resources available.

Once there was a town with some very cruel firemen.

One time when there was a fire, a brunette, a blonde and rppearso were stuck on the roof of a burning building.

So, the firemen held a net and shouted at them to jump on to the net. The brunette jumped first, and just before she landed, they pulled the net out from under her, letting her fall to the ground.

After a bit of laughter, they convinced the blonde to jump too. Same as before, just before she landed they pulled the net out from under her, letting her fall to the ground.

Now, laughing like a bunch of kids, they shout at rppearso "jump, or you'll be burned alive!", but he refuses. Eventually, he shouts down at them, ok I'll jump, but put the net down first and step away from it....

quote:

Originally posted by thegunny:
naw, just making best use of resources available.

Just like a gunny, use everything,no matter how worthless it is

You know Gunny, I had that class and got the same answer.

yeah, but when rppearso took it it really was a true false type of question.

A man owned a small farm in Minnesota
The Minnesota State Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

" Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $500 a week plus free room and board.

The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $350 per week plus free room and board.

Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.

He makes about $50 per week, pays his own room and board,

I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. And he also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20 ..00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"

He replies," Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."