No, it just did not sound realistic is all.

Blonde and the flat tire



Blond's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. So she eases it
over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and
opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them
at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard
men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching
drivers...Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed
up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly
enraged, approaches the Blond of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is
going on here?"
"My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what the hell
are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the
Officer...
Okay, now wait for the punch line.....Are you ready?

"Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied

A woman walks into the welfare office, trailed by 15 kids. "WOW," the
social worker exclaims, "are they ALL YOURS?"

"Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that
question a thousand times before. She says,

"Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up.
I'll need all your children's names." "This one's my oldest, he is
Leroy."

"OK, and who's next?"

"Well, this one, he is Leroy also." The social worker raises an
eyebrow but continues. One by one, through
the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to
the eldest girl, named Leighroy! "All right," says the
caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?"

Their Momma replied, "Well, yes; it makes it easier. When it is time
to get them out of bed and ready f or school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An'
when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes
arunnin.' An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the
street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest
idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy." The social worker thinks
this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively,

"But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

"I call them by their last names.

quote:

Originally posted by HarryP:
No, it just did not sound realistic is all.

Jeez, ya spoilsport, you get the prize. Turns out it did not pass the smell test:

http://www.snopes.com/military/reinwald.htm

That was great PT I did so like that interview and what the General said that the reporter was equiped to do ROFLMAO, I think that you get the prize also LOL

Sample of Turkish Humour as told to the Rocketeer by his interpreter

Seems that in Turkey they have a region looked down upon by other areas..sort of like a Dueling Banjos/Deliverance type locality...

Well, one day the folks in this region were tired of being put down by the rest of the country and decided to show that they had brainy people amongst them and so a competition was held to find the smartest one in the region. Finally they brought their best and brightest to a great soccer stadium to be tested. Soon the stands were filled with anxious crowds as their choice sat before them on a stool.. Stern judges looked at him and then asked him " What is two plus two ?"..

he thought and puzzled.. sweat beaded his brow, his lips went dry.. a hush froze the crowd. At last he smiled and said " Four! "

The crowd went wild, screaming and yelling and shouting out. Through the din, one of the judges cried out " what are they all yelling? "
a second judge shook his head and replied " They're calling out ' Give Him Another Chance! '"..

ba da bum...

How many divorced men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None.. because they never get the house...
How many Viet Nam vets does it take to change a light bulb?

You don't know, man... you weren't there...!

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on
envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs
sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for
me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks
with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an
email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet
stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a
serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products
are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore
because it will blow up in my face . disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with
a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume
sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda
in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American
troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for
which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and
Uzbekistan .

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free
replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their
recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African
spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my
butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us.. I can live a
better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up a $5.00 bill in the
parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car
because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes,
a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and
the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy
hump. Lice from 50 monkeys will infest your armpits and other private areas,
causing such itching you will not be allowed to be in mixed company, because of
your rude scratching patterns, I know this will occur because it actually
happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second
husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has
discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their
e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late

LOL!

Maybe I shouldn't do this but it struck me as a face only a mother or another bat could love

Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.

I've been a good man to you for seven years, and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell.  Your boss called to tell me that you had
quit your job today, and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut,
cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.Â
You came home and ate in two minutes, then went straight to sleep after watching
all your soaps.  You don't tell me you love me anymore,  you don't want to have sex
anymore or anything.  Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore.
Whatever the case is,  I am gone.

Your EX - Husband

P.S.  Don't try to find me.  Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!
         Have a great life!
                              ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Â

Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.  It is true that you and I have
been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping.Â
Too bad that doesn't work.  I did notice when you got a hair cut last week.  The first thing
that came to mind was, "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to say anything,
if you can't say anything nice.  And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY SISTER,  because I stopped eating steak seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them.
I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me
that morning -- and your new silk boxers were $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So, when I discovered that I had hit the lottery for Ten Million Dollars, I quit my job and bought us
two tickets to Jamaica.  But when I got home you were gone.  Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.  My lawyer said that with your letter you wrote,
you won't get a dime from me.  So take care.

Signed,
Rich and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister was born CARL. I hope that's not a problem.

DON'T YOU JUST WISH?

>A NEW DOCTOR...WHO DOESN'T RUN A BUNCH OF
>EXPENSIVE TESTS.. 63 and pregnant
>
>A woman went to the GP's group, where she was seen by a young,
>new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor
>told her she was pregnant. She burst out of the room and ran down the
>corridor screaming.
>
>An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after
>listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.
>Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room.
>
>"What's wrong with you?" he demanded. "This woman is 63
>years old , she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and
>you told her she was pregnant?!!"
>
>The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking
>up said: "Does she still have the hiccups?"
>
>
>

thought it was cute



1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you
into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going
to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think
I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables,
you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think
you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope
they turn out just like you