quote:

Originally posted by thegunny:
When a woman wears leather clothing, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he goes weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally.


Ever wonder why?



Because she smells like a new truck!

Oh ok is this why they just want to get in and go for a ride.

I read The Taser a few years ago, laughed so hard I teared up. Even now, still makes me laugh reading that one.

Feedback form
This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an employee there who
obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of course, does not have a sense of humour, and made the
web department take It down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read too...)

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Kiwi raspped :

quote:

please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing.

(Sounds like a 'recipe for trouble'... )

YOU MAY BE AN ENGINEER...
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE

If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place

If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush

If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts

If you have never backed-up your hard drive

If you see a good design and still have to change it

If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions

If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it

If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind

If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are

If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires

If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal

If you need a checklist to turn on the TV

If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name

If people groan at the party when you pick out the music

If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week

If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone

If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life

If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep


If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate


An old Engineering Joke

An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.
"Where did you get such a rockin' bike?" asked the first.
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Definition of a Chemical Engineer
CHEMICAL ENGINEER: n. A person who does for profit what a chemist does for fun. see also "Prostitution"
Q: What is the difference between a chemist and a chemical engineer?
A: Oh, about $10 K a year.

lol, your the coach coach

One day Superman was feeling a bit horny. So, he began to ask
his super Hero friends for ideas on where he could get a bit of action.

"Hey Batman! Who's good in the sack?"

"Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonder Woman is the best sex in
Comicland. Why don't you try her?" replied Batman.

"I'd love to, but Wonder Woman and I are friends. So I don't really want
to take advantage of her."

"Damn shame," said Batman as he waved goodbye to Superman and drove off.

Ten minutes later Superman was flying low over a city when he saw the
Green Lantern patching up a building. He flew down.

"Hey Pal, I'm looking for a little action. You're a swinging bachelor,
who's the best babe in comicland?"

"Hey, Superman! Everyone knows that Wonder Woman is far and away the best
lay in Comicland, why don't you try her?"

"Well, we're sort of friends," Superman said, "but I didn't realize she
had gotten around so much" and he flew off in frustration.

Twenty minutes later Superman was flying over a field when he saw Wonder
Woman lying naked, in the middle of the field, with her legs apart and up
in the air. Superman was tempted. He thought to himself, "I'm faster than
a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of there before she even knows I'm
here."

So with a blur and a sonic boom he was down, in and gone.
Wonder Woman stared up into the sky with a dazed _expression. "What the
hell was that??" she exclaimed.

"I don't know," said the Invisible Man as he rolled off her, "but my ass
is Killing me."

Bubba went to a psychiatrist. "I've got problems. Every time I go to

bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going

crazy."



"Just put yourself in my hands for one year,? said the shrink.

"Come

talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those

fears."



"How much do you charge?"



"Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor."

"I'll sleep on it," said Bubba.



Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street. "Why didn't

you

ever come to see me about those fears you were having?? Asked the

psychiatrist.



"Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an

awful

lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved

all that money I went and bought me a new pickup!"



"Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"



"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there

now!!!"

REDNECK DOG

On a hot summer day, a redneck cowboy came riding into
town on his horse with his dog following. He tied the
horse and dog under the shade of a tree and went into
the bar for a cold beer.

About 20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar
and asked who owned the dog tied under the tree. The
redneck cowboy said that it was his.

The policeman said, "Your dog seems to be in heat."
The redneck cowboy replies, "No way dog's in heat;
he's cool cause I got'im tied under the shade of the
tree."

The policeman says, "No! you don't understand; your
dog needs to be bred." No way", the redneck cowboys
says, "dog don't need bread, he's not hungry, cause I
fed him beef jerky this mornin".

Now the policeman gets mad and yells out; "NO! You
don't seem to understand, your dog wants to have sex!"

The redneck cowboy looks at him and says, "Go ahead. I
always wanted a police dog!"



It sucks being a foreigner in your own country.

GHOST SEX

A professor at West Virginia University was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hands.

"Has anyone here ever touched aghost?"

3 students raise their hands.


That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Bubba from Logan County raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture; no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience. The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"


Bubba replied, "Shiiiiit! From away back ar I thought you said, "Goats."


It sucks being a foreigner in your own country.

This guy goes into a psychiatrist office, dressed only in clear film wrap.

He says "Hey Doc I think I got a problem."

The psychiatrist says "Yes mate I can clearly see your nuts."

Two guys drinking at the Bar

one guys says did you know Lions sometimes have sex 10 to 15 times a night.

the other says (Crap)I just joined the Elks.

Two Iraqi mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a pail of goat's milk. The older of the moms pulls out her bag and starts flipping through pictures and reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son, Mohammed. He would be 24 now."
The other mom replies, "I remember him as a baby."
"He's a martyr now," says the older mom
"Oh, so sad, my dear," says the other mom.
Mom flips to another picture. "And this is my second son, Kali.
He would be 21 now."
"Oh, I remember him, too. He had such curly hair when he was born."
Mom sighs, "He's a martyr, too."
"Oh gracious me," says the second mother.
"And this is my third son. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18 now," Mom whispers.
"Yes," says her friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he started school."
"He's a martyr also," Mom says, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photos and says, "They blow up so fast, don't they?"