The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lackof underwear. Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers? her husband demanded. Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, For thesake of decency, here's £50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?She replies, I can't afford any on the money you give meHe reaches into his pocket and says, For the sake of decency,here's £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear.

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bendsover. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. Sweet mudder of Jasus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?She too explains, You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, Well, fer the love Jasus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit.


IN GOD WE TRUST GOD BLESS AMERICA TAKE CARE & PEACE

An old weatherman went in to see the doctor and said, "Doc, I'm turning
eighty tomorrow. I've hired a hooker for the night, and I'd love
to do it just one more time before I die. Can you give me
something that'll get me up?"

The doctor smiled. "I don't normally prescribe this stuff, but I
think in your case I can make an exception for one night."

Later that night, out of curiosity, the doctor phoned the elderly
weatherman and asked, "How's it going?"

"Fabulous," the old weatherman said. "I've come three times already."

"That's great," the doctor said. "the hooker must be astounded."

"Not exactly," the old weatherman said. "She's not here yet!"

Lol

3 Generals (Air Forces, Marine, Army) were walking along the beach talking about who soldiers were the bravest. Well the Army general goes "The army soldiers are the braves watch this" so he calls over a Private and states "Private see that boue in that shark infested waters, swim out there and touch it and come back" so the private does what he is told. The Army General says "See thats why the army is better". The Marine General says "thats nothing watch this" and calls over a Sgt and says "Sgt swim out to that boue in shark infested water with these pieces of fish tied to you" So the Sgt ties the fish to him and swims out there and back. The Marine General "see thats why we are so brave". The Air Forces General "that was nothing watch this. "Airmen come here....Swim out to that boue with fish tied to you and kill a shark and come back" The Airmen look at the General "General...you can F$#* off" and walks away. The Air Force General says "See now that took some balls"

What’s it called when a blonde dyes her hair brunette>



Artificial Intelligence.

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

9 Things I Hate to hear people say

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know
where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room
for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the
channel manually..

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people
do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser,
I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me
a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then
there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then
there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest
damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come
yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

TEN TOP INDICATORS THAT YOUR EMPLOYER HAS CHANGED TO A CHEAPER

HEALTH CARE PLAN :



(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.



(9) Directions to your Doctor's office include "Take a left when

you enter the trailer park."



(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.



(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto Rooter.



(6) The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is "An

Apple".



(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants that you gave

to Goodwill last month.



(4) The patient is responsible for 200% of out of network charges,

is not a typographical error.



(3) The only expense covered 100% is embalming.



(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.



AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN THAT YOU'VE JOINED A VERY CHEAP HEALTH CARE

PLAN...........



(1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct

tape!

Why did Einstein marry his cousin?

He postulated that men have a special attraction to the breasts of women in their own family.
He called it the Theory of Relative Titty.