From the "it's funny cuz it's true" files. A little insight into what our guys in Iraq live with when not getting shot at...

*Cadillac - A portable latrine with running water and flushing toilets - all the bells and whistles.

*Chow - Food-like substance, sometimes lukewarm, fills the stomach void.

*Desert Eagles - The flies that make up over 99% of the majestic wildlife.

*Desert Goggles - Similar to Beer Goggles, this condition turns raunchy
"Desert Queens " into super models after months of female deprivation.

*Desert Muscles - A slight increase in muscle tone and/or mass brought on by hours of hard work in the gym and chugging expensive, chalky dietary supplements. This instantly turns into Beer Gut upon entering the aircraft for the trip home.

*Drain Babies - Fluid resulting from autoerotic stimulation in the " Shower"
or " Wack Shack ".

*Entourage - Two or more males suffering from " Desert Goggles " who follow a particular " Desert Queen ". They are all secretly jealous of one another, but openly cock-Block lone males trying to move in on their " Queen ".

*Foo-Foo Fag Nasties - Condition resulting from viewing Frenchmen in Speedos. "Vitamin M " won't cure this. Only repeated, heavy doses of " Hard Core XXX Porn

*GPS - Golden Pu55y Syndrome; caused by males suffering from " Desert Goggles " and a lack of competition, this causes " Desert Queens " to think of themselves as Goddesses and be generally bitchy. The only known cure is a fast flight to the States for a reality check.

*Hard Core XXX Porn - Maxxim, Stuff, FHM, Muscle Mags, Swimsuit Editions, and anything else that shows skin above the ankle or below the neck.

*Holiday - A day like any other, except the " Chow " is slightly more Food-like and a " Party " is organized.

*NA Beer - A fallacy, never has the word beer been applied to a more deplorable concoction.

*Oasis Lounge - Pool where " Parties " are held. Inhabited by approximately 50 or more males, three or less " Desert Queens " and a handful of Frenchmen in Speedos.

*Party - A small, base organized gathering with coolers full of water, stale cookies, and loud Rap. The theory being that if you cannot hear the guy next to you complaining then we must all be having fun and not realize there is a distinct lack of adult beverages.

*Radio - One " Pop " song every thirty minutes of Armed Forces Network public service announcements and commercials explaining why they don't air commercials.

*Sand Script - Writing your name in the sand ( like snow).

*Shower - " Drain Babies " shooting range (flip flops Strongly recommended).

*Six Pack - Four Door Pick-up truck.

*Soft Porn - Pictures of women's ankles and wrists.

*Spank Tank - See " Wack Shack "

*Take the Caddy for a Spin - Shitting

*VD - Another condition often suffered by " Desert Queens ". One of a few conditions that are not cured by " Vitamin M ".

*Vitamin M - 800mg Motrin Horse Pills; believed by Air Force medical professionals to cure everything from hysterical pregnancies to decapitations, it is an essential part of every airman's diet. If you find yourself the unfortunate enough to suffer an ailment that " Vitamin M " won't cure, doctors recommend a two step program:
1 Go to the Chapel,
2 Make peace with your God.

*Wack Shack - A fortress of solitude made by draping blankets and towels around the bottom bunk.

*Work - A place you go at a pre-arranged time, seven days a week, for twelve hours at a time to burn CDs and send e-mail; Solitaire and BeJeweled are optional.

Thanks gunny, that was excellent!