Hi all,

My BF was recently deployed to Iraq, about a month after he left I was diagnosed with herpes, not even knowing if he gave it to me or not, I am struggling with whether or not I should tell him now or wait until he is on leave or comes home for good. I really don't want to stress him out more then he already is, but I also am having a hard time keeping it from him, plus if he decides to leave me because of it, the longer I wait, the harder that decision will be for him.

Any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated.

thanks all

rockwitcha21....thats a tough call.

aside from the obvious, you need to tell him. He needs to seek treatment, and yes, they can treat it even where he's at.

Hope everything works out for the both of you.

herpes is not a harmless skin condition......it IS a disease.

Use yur best judgement in how and when to tell him, but do tell him. Mattters very little where in the world he is at.

Herpes is the disease that keeps on giving, and giving and giving. It never goes away. Once you have it, you have it for life. This is why you MUST tell him. Sooner the better.

its far from harmless when it can be passed around. You asked for advice, sorry its not what you wanted to hear. If it was sooo harmless, then why are you sooo worried about his stress and reaction to the news?

A bit of information (which I'm sure you have already looked into)..

How the Genital Herpes Virus Acts in Your Body

After your skin comes into contact with the skin of an infected person during sexual activity (like oral, vaginal, or anal sex), the herpes virus can enter your body through the skin and travels to a group of nerves near the base of the spine. There it goes to "sleep" and can stay sleeping for months. But from time to time, the virus "wakes up" and travels back to the surface of your skin, where it sheds, making more copies of itself. This shedding can occur with or without symptoms. In other words, the virus may be awake and contagious on your skin even if you don't have an outbreak. And it can be anywhere around your groin in areas that may not be covered by a condom; for example on your thighs, hips or buttocks. Once you have the virus in your body, there is currently no known way to get rid of it.

This being said, if HE is a carrier, then people around him (his fellow soldiers perhaps??) are in danger being contaminated as well.

The First Outbreak

Genital herpes symptoms usually develop within 2 to 20 days after contact with the virus, although it could take longer, and your symptoms may last up to 2 to 3 weeks. In some cases, the first outbreak is so mild it goes unnoticed. In others, the first outbreak is more severe, causing visible sores that are painful and may itch, burn, or tingle. Either way, you may get more outbreaks later.

Between Outbreaks

Even when you're not having a genital herpes outbreak, it's possible for your body to shed the virus or for the virus to be on the surface of your skin around your genital area.

In other words, the virus can be active on the surface of the skin without showing any signs or causing any symptoms. That's why you can pass the virus to your partner even when you are not having an outbreak. So once you have genital herpes, you may be at risk for spreading the disease both during outbreaks and in between. One study estimates that up to 70% of the cases of genital herpes may be spread through "asymptomatic viral shedding," or as we say, "between outbreaks." This means you can be contagious even between outbreaks.

Returning Outbreaks

When an outbreak returns, [b]something triggers the sleeping virus, such as stress, excessive sunlight, menstruation, vigorous sexual activity, or a worn-down immune system.[/bOnce the virus is awake, it begins to multiply, and symptoms can reappear, usually at the site of the original infection. The blisters generally heal in 7-10 days. Some people have frequent outbreaks, while other people have them rarely. On average, people with genital herpes get about 3 or 4 outbreaks per year. Nearly 90% of people with genital herpes get a returning outbreak within one year of infection.

but I guess my biggest question would be...what are you waiting for???

It will be fine....

Hes a guy, besides.. they will be able to treat it.

If not, they will ship him to Kuwait were he will cerainly be fine..

quote:

Originally posted by rockwitcha21:
Sorry I even asked, it's ignorance and uneducated people like that who are what make people have this virus so hard.

I'm sorry you feel information provided from the Valtrex site makes me ignorant.


And FYI... it IS contagious via casual contact, and suprise surprise...the Herpes virus CAN live outside the body if the conditions are right.

And if you want to talk about who's the ignormant one...Hey, I'm not the one who forgot to put the wrapping on the present and now has to come ask complete strangers what to do.

Hmmmm, too bad one can't simply hit the delete key on herpes........

Yeah Gunny...it just doesn't go away that easy.

But I do have to wonder if the user deleted them, or if the staff did. I had a post disappear awhile back that I know for sure I didn't delete.

C-Mom

I sure didn't delete anything, I didn't even know that was an option.

New news- I received an email from the bf this morning, ironically, he is having in outbreak in Iraq right now, this outbreak has caused him to feel quite guilty that he did not tell me he had herpes, so he spilled the beans in an email. I emailed him back and told him that I love him and not to worry cause we will deal with it. I have not told him that he gave it to me yet because it sounds like he is dealing with enough right now, and I know how he feels. Funny how things work out isn't it?


and in repsonse to that comment about you can't delete herpes, no you can't your right but that was just a low blow and you really need to lighten up before you start judging people and making assumptions. You all made me feel pretty horrible and like I said it's people like you that make it so hard to deal with what really is just a lousy cold sore. As much as I would love to tell you all to go to hell I will not lower myself because I am not that kind of person, I do however have serious doubts about what kind of people you are......God bless you all!!!!!

rockwitcha21

Wasn't being judgemental as you appear to think. What I was attempting to point out was your cavalier attitude that herpes is JUST a cold sore. This is the prime reason it spreads.
This is how you got it in the first place. Someone thought it was just a cold sore. No big deal. Why should I tell anyone about it? Its just a cold sore after all.

If the administrators of the website deleted anything, they would have deleted the entire thread, not just your responses. Only the poster has delete capability on thier own postings. No one else can do this.

I'm sorry if you feel that I have been unkind or unfeeling in my replies to you. I was simply attempting to give you my thoughts on the subject.

that's fine, I understand your views, and trust me when I say most people don't know they have it and that is another reason why it is so widely spread. I was just trying to make you understand that this cannot kill someone it is just in fact a cold sore it sucks of course but it's the reality of it. and i am not one of the people who would not tell someone who i was going to be intimate with that i had it...anyone about to be exposed has a right to know and deserves the right of choice on whether they want to catch it or not......I will admit that im a little upset i was denied that choice but i was a person who thought this was like the plague until i educated myself on it....i wish more people would. but i have it now and love my boyfriend very much and we will deal with it when he comes home

thanks

so, your not mad at me? hope not.

Just want you to know, that you are more than welcome to continue to visit and join in on the various subjects available in here.

We do have something in common after all. Most in here have lived through what you and your bf are dealing with. (him getting shot at, and you having to watch it on the news)

haha, no hun, I am not mad at you, it takes a whole lot more to get a person like me mad, if you can't tell already, If i'm not mad at my man for giving me herpes and not telling me he had it then you must be able to draw somekind of positive conclusion about me right there.

and I guess we do have something in common and thanks for doing what you do. I always thank soldiers when I see them on the street, if I can pick them out and I always call my grandpa on veterans day just to say thanks and now i am saying thanks to you.....I personally think there isnt a more admirable job then being a sodlier serving our country, i am very proud of my soldier!!!!!!

I signed up on the forums just to post on this topic. And because I've been reading the other threads for a bit and like what I see!
A nice heartwarming discussion on herpes. Never thought I'd see the day.

So how long has your bf had herpes rockwitcha? Cause if its a new case maybe you did give them to him. Funny that you dont know. Anyways, yeah, If a situation like that ever arises(no pun intended) again, you need to let that person know right away. Its the respectful thing to do.
Its good to see that you can still be supportive of him. He needs it right now.