Lately my guy's emails have been really short, just a quick "i love you" and that's about it. I was under the impression that they get a certain amount of time on the internet and just wondering if maybe it's because he's busy, he emails what he can when he can.....I asked this question on a military spouse forum and all I got was "oh he's probably cheating on you by now" which is really the last thing I need to hear right now, but I'm just wondering, for those of you who have been thru deployment, what your experience in all this was. there are some weeks where I'll hear from him 3-4 times a week but lately it's hardly ever and his emails are short. He doesn't call home but that is something that he established with me before he even left so that's not what bothers me, what bothers me is I'm starting to feel left out in a way and it makes me feel selfish all at the same time. I know things aren't easy over there, and I don't let him know it bothers me, I dunno, just babbling I guess and looking for somekind of reassurance that my man isn't forgetting that he has his lady at home that loves him very much.....those short emails are just really bothering me....

He's in Iraq, right? Not being facetious, just making sure. On combat deployments (at least in my experience) there was very little "hooking up" going on. I'd say that's probably the least likely thing going on if he's combat deployed. More likely, he's busy as hell and just having a rough time making time to write anything. He might also have been through a rough time and trying to not let you worry, or just unable to write about it.

Nelly21..

I can sympathize. It’s been a long while since I heard from my son who is currently in Iraq. I’m gritting my teeth through this because I learned from his prior tours that, just as Patoloco wrote; workload, time restraints, exhaustion, limited "iffy" internet and security issues are often factors.
Whatever the reasons… they need and rely on the touch of normalcy that your continued messages provide. Trust him.

If you let this eat at you, it could cause problems with your relationship. War is something that those at home begin to suffer because of how it affects those involved. It is difficult to articulate the feeling that one feels when confined to a combat zone. It is difficult to filter and, yes, desirable. It will not be easy to get through but if you love him – it will be worth it.

As I am in the midst of an unpleasant long-distance marriage problem with my son and daughter-in-law, I can understand and sympathize with your concern and worry.. But, you should concentrate on the fact that far more relationships pass the test of distance/combat stress and other factors uniquw to the military..

Like the nightly news where you only hear about the bad stuff and disasters, the military ' familiy-net' usually carries only the stories of those few who's situation turns sour.. far, far more soldiers of both sexes make it through active duty and continue to have long lasting and loving relationships without the burdern of more than the ' usual' problems inherent in any long-term committment...

concentrate on that..and keep yourself open to giving him support, encouragement and understanding and don't try to read anything in to what he does or doesn't do... If there is to be a split/breakdown.. you won't need to go looking for it between the lines of e-mail text.. it'll be front and centre..

in the meantime.. think positive thoughts, remember to let him know you care and wait out his deployment as best you can... he'll be trying to do the same from his end....

thanks guys! your words ease my mind a great deal....that's why I came here, like I said, in another forum, I posted kinda the same thing and those bitches just sat there and said he's cheating blah blah blah, they obviously don't trust their men, not to mention the fact half of them are children no older then 19-20 years old who think they know everything about military life, hell I'm 29 and fully admit I am new to all this and don't know jack....I trust my man 110% and I support him 150%, we've got 3 months left of this deployment (thank god) and sometimes I just have a hard time with it, but I don't really let him know, I just suck it up and keep telling him how proud of him I am and what a good job he is doing. He doesn't tell us much but a couple of weeks ago he sent me an email and said things he's never said before about the amount of danger he was in and sounded scared and since then his emails have been short which scares me I guess. We never argue, I read what some women write in forums how they are always picking on their men and fighting with them, I can't bring myself to do that. I hear them talk about when their men are home on R&R the fights they have, me and my guy didn't even look at each other funny while he was home. We have a great relationship and I think this deployment has only made it stronger. I just get frustrated with him sometimes but I guess it's normal...he's funny, the night before he was leaving to go back from R&R I was very weepy and quiet, just didn't know what to say and I am NEVER quiet and he looked at me and said, "dont worry babe, it's all in the manual, and what you are feeling is normal" I couldn't help but laugh, he's good at making me laugh even if I do think he's an ass sometimes lol but unfortunately, I was not given a manual and am figuring all this out on my own, we aren't married yet, but plan on it and I can't wait til the day comes when I marry my hero, he's the most wonderful man I've ever had in my life, and I know I must love him with all my heart to even be able to deal with all of this...I've never been so proud of anyone in my life....and I'm proud of all of you as well, cause without brave people like you, my life would suck....so thanks for what you do guys!!!! and thanks for smackin me around and bringing me back to reality!!!

and just wanted to show you what I get to deal with on almost a daily basis from people, thinking they know what goes on in the military...this is one of the responses I got from a chick who says she was in the military and apparently knows that my man is definitely cheating....I deal with this all the time even when I'm face to face with people....


I was in the military myself, and based on what I saw, oh, my God!

I never took a poll or did anykind of scientific research, but if empirical evidences count, I would say that 98% of them cheat.

Out of sight, out of mind, as far as a lot of them are concerned. As a military person, I refused to date a military man, based on observation alone. I just didn't trust getting involved with none of them, and I can tell you some stories to knock your socks off. As for their mates back home, many of them seem to believe that if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you are with!

It goes both ways, and unfortunately, you can't miss what you can't measure, so I guess all is fair. When the couples get back together, they both act like nothing ever happened, and fortunately, in some cases, it is not an act, but I will still say that if the military person nor his or her mate back home did not cheat, you are looking at one in a million.


ya see what I mean, where do these people come up with this stuff??? Doesn't it piss you guys off that people talk this way about you all? It does me, if I had this chick in front of me, I'd be in jail right now....

There is a quote from Oscar Wild about women calling each other sisters only after they have called each other everything else.

This woman does not care about your situation; she only wants to belittle the people with which she served (if she did serve).

As someone with two female relatives in the military, I have to say that it is absurd to assume that they are mere camp whores as this woman’s statement would imply. Not everyone is looking out for your best interest when they make these statements as you have noticed.

Well all I can say their guy's might be cheating on them.

I had that a couple of weeks ago, finally got it out of him, that each time he sat down to write to me, things started to happen, and he had to take care of himself

So hence the real short emails, one was completely blank, so don't know what happened there, but he wasn't in an area were things can happen.

All you can do is ride it out, trust him, and trust yourself in your own judgement.