Hi,

I'm a Belgian girl, married to an American. My husband has always told me he would love to join the marines and now lately, he talks about it EVERY day. He asks me if I would support him if he would join and he keeps on making plans. At first, I wasn't at all happy about it because for 1. We live in Belgium now where I have my family and friends closeby and 2. we have a 11 month old son.
Now the last weeks, I feel more and more pressure coming from him to make a decision and I don't know what to do.
First of all, I have no idea what would happen step wise. Does he go to bootcamp and do I stay in Belgium? After bootcamp, will he be deployed and where will that leave our son and me? And will we even be able to cope with all of this financially as I won't be able to work anymore? What do marines earn?

Sometimes I tell him I will only do it if he can sign for a position which will not send him to war zones but is this even possible? I know my husband.. he's a born warrior with a serious survival and killer instinct but the last thing I want is to lose him in battle. Plus, even being left behind with our son in a foreign country for months and months is already scary.. I don't want to end up lonely and stressed...

Help...?

Pretty complicated set of issues facing all three of you. Your husband has a hometown in the US? Has any mention been made of where you and your child will be while he is off doing his thing in the Marines? I can see that he only focus is on joining the Corps, but he needs to settle down and come up with a workable plan that takes both you and the child into consideration. There are numerous considerations that have to be taken into account: Should you and the child stay where you are, how does he plan on suppporting your financially? I do know that sending money overseas from the US is not an easy process anymore. In fact it is an expensive process with specific steps that must be followed each time.
Moving you to the states may be the best route to take, however you and the child will require direct support from his family. You will effectively be cut off from everything you know and be dependant on others. They may not be as committed to you as your husband is which will create some difficult situations for you. You will be loney and under high stress while he is gone, that should be a given.

My mother married an American back in 1954, who took her from England to Montana. She was miserable mostly due to the fact that my father was killed 6months after we got there, but mostly due to his family being so unaccepting of her. She eventually fled back to England. She met an married yet another yank and he took us to Tennessee and she has been successful largely becuase his family accepted the marriage and her. That family went out of their way to help her and the effort paid off. My family experienced both the good and the bad with the same type of situation you are facing.

Thanks for your reply.

He wants us to come with him and live as a marine family. His family lives in Europe as well so there's actually no family at all there, from either side...

That's exactly my biggest fear, ending up lonely. And ofcourse also the thought of losing him.

Mrs C. Being a Marine family can be a good thing, but it would be so only as long as he isn't in a deployed status.

If he chooses to join up, you should likely join up and stay with family until he can get things settled and firmed up. Enlisted Marines don't get much money up front, and there are long waiting lists for family housing on base. A Private or even L/Cpl does not earn much money to begin with.

It sure is a hard decision to make, especially because we have such a stable life now.

I assume we will have alot to talk about still...

What the hell is he thinking, he is gonig to abandon his entire family and life in europe to join the marines, is he taking drugs. You should by no means support this decision, he will be deployed and probably to iraq (or somewhere near there) that is 99% garuenteed. Dont let the idiots on this site sugar coat this decision, he is dabbling with fire, being a "marnine family" near a marine base is going to be hell on you. Wow all I have to say is wow.

Mrs C
don't place much stock in what rrpearso has to say. He's anti-military to say the least and is not a representative of the rest of those in here. At least we served with honor and distinction whereas he ran away from all of his obilgations. Talk with your husband to get this ironed out and address your concerns with him. Impress upon him all of your concerns and needs.

I try. Talking about it became a daily thing already but it is hard to meet eachother in the middle.

I also made the decision to try to work there part time, if we would go through with it.
The only issue still is deployment.. I don't want my husband to be canon meat..

Fully understand. Being deployed does not always equate to dying. We have plenty of Marines that have multiple tours over there. Its part of the job is all.

I truely hope everything works out for you and your family. Stick around in here and keep in touch regardless.

I know.. that's what he says as well but I'm sure that those who did die also said that..

I'll keep you updated on what decision will be made. Next week he will be talking to my friend's husband, who's a recruit sergeant in Camp Pendleton. Hopefully, he will be able to help us out.

Thanks for your advise though.

Just remember, everyone chooses the path in life to take. I have always been a firm believer in fate. Those that die in combat, well that was thier fate or thier time. I find it easier to rationalize life events in this manner and it brings a certain degree of comfort when I do this.

Or he can just not join then you dont have to worry about it. He can tempt fate on his drive to work every day. The issues is not with the chances of him being killed, its the fact that he WILL be deployed away from you for up to 24 months. Also him getting killed is not what you have to worry about the most it will be him getting severly disabled and then having to live off the pitantce the military gives both of you, there are also good chances he will come home with PTSD and be so messed in the head you can kiss any chances of your needs being met when he returns good by, you will be so preoccupied with just coping with day to day life to get ahead. He really is playing with fire. If you are a go nowhere bum, it might not be a bad idea to join because the military will give you food and money to buy cigerettes or whatever. Why doesnt he apply for belgian citizenship and join the belgian national gaurd or whatever they have over there, im pretty sure the belgian guard is not deployed to the ends of the earth for years at a time and then he can do the military thing and still be there for you. The american military has such messed up priorities and low morals, they are very deceptive, they could give a crap about the family. Right now the military is considering bringing back the draft because soldiers are not reupping if they want to keep there marriages, time has a funny way of making you realize a seemingly good idea is bad.

MrsC:
if I may butt in on this thread..

I have some experience in this area, both personally and in observing my wife in her professional capacity; Gunny is giving you some fine heads up advice..

may I suggest further that you might wish to go to ' couple counselling' with a minister/priest or to a social worker/family counsellor? They can be a neutral third party and help work though some of the issues, maybe putting things into perspective and even pointing out some areas where you might have not seen issues/problems/benefits or opportunities..

sometimes it is hard for couples to see compromise and family members may be too close to one or the other person involved to view the big picture dispassionately.