“Competitive Salary”
We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.

“Join our fast-paced company”
We have no time to train you.

“Casual work atmosphere”
We don’t pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

“Some overtime required”
Some every night and some every weekend.

“Duties will vary”
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

“Must have an eye for detail”
We have no quality assurance.

“Career-minded”
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

“Apply in person”
If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told that the position has been filled.

“Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience”
You’ll need it to replace the three people who just quit.

“Problem-solving skills a must”
You’re walking into perpetual chaos.

“Requires team leadership skills”
You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

“Good communication skills”
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

That pretty much hit the nail on the head.

"experience is a plus"
Experience is actually required, because that is what most of your competition is going to have. Don't bother applying if you have none.

"attractive health care, retirement, and dental plans for employees"
after twenty years of service, bare bones wages, and after being promoted to manager.

"we are looking for a diverse culture in our work setting"
Even if you're the most qualified, we may hire someone with a subpar resume so we don't get sued for discrimination.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: blackwater_mercenary,

Self starter”
You will not be told what to do but be held responsible for what is not done.